After yesterday’s article on the farcical US election, I decided my rant wasn’t over yet. Oh no, as I’m sure you’re all aware, there is another news-dominating ‘crisis’ which just wont go away like a particularly foul smell (think of someone’s breath after munching on a garlic and anchovie pizza with a generous portion of raw onion as dessert).

It is, of course, the financial crisis. Lo, and the world wept at its mere mention. Well, not quite. Its yet another problem which occurs every so often which, thanks to the media, gets blown out of all proportion and ends up with old grannies believing the world will end tomorrow unless they hide all their cash under their mattress. I don’t know about the US (where it seems the entire problem bloody started) but here in the UK, every day there is yet another top story on every news site, paper and TV channel stating that you, yes you, will lose everything, including your cash, pension, house, car, job and pet dog. The banks are coming for young Cuddles, oh yes – they require his blood for their sacrifices to the Dark Lord of Finance.

I don’t know why they have to hammer the point home each day. One day it is something about another bank failing (I wonder why), the next is how the stock market has collapsed into a puddle of something resembling molten jelly at the news of said bank collapsing, and before you know it the entire news circus has gone crazy. This is of course followed up by the inevitable “Ah, but what will the Government be doing about this?” moment. Maybe a week or so later there will be another measure unveiled by the people you didn’t vote for, the stock market will recover somewhat, and everything will be on the up again. Until tomorrow that is, when the media will be bored and will just post another story about how someone had to eat their neighbour because the cost of eggs is just too high or some crap.

This is just it though: for the last year and a bit, the news has gone in cycles – up, down, up, down, oh fuck we’re going no-where. I’m actually getting dizzy from having to pay attention to all this rubbish. What does it mean for me anyway?! I don’t have any savings because I’m paying so much bloody tax on the money I do earn. I don’t have a house because they are so bloody expensive, and as for a credit card, I’m not one of those morons who thinks they can afford a £3,000 TV on a monthly salary of £1,400. So, what does it mean? Bugger all! So why oh why do I need to get in at night to a chorus of “We’re all gonna die!!!” messages?

Sometimes, I think we would really be better off just thinking about the people who are actually in dire straits. Like, you know, the few billion people currently living off per day what is a fraction of what a Westerner earns in an hour. The ones who have to send their 8 year old kids to work because if they didn’t, the family would starve. Oh, and don’t get me started on all the rest who have ended up with no homes, no livelihoods, no food, no water – hell, no ANYTHING, because we just couldn’t be arsed to pay attention. No, we’d rather pay stupid jumped up millionairesses millions to appear in vacuous TVs about their equally vacuous lives, give money hand over fist to companies who are making more profit per second than a single person makes in 5 years in even the most economically upstanding nation and who still, day in, day out, pay money to buy a newspaper which they know is just going to have the same bloody story: “Your life is shit”. Well no, it really isn’t.

Besides, its not like we’ve had a 28 Days Later-esque zombie/Rage virus outbreak yet. Now that would get me scared.

Things I like:
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