The world is a weird place, especially when you consider the case of this next guy. He was spotted acting suspiciously in his car by police in Australia, who then proceeded to surround his car with weapons drawn. What they didn’t realise was that he had his weapon drawn – and I don’t mean the kind that fires bullets.

They found him next to Nobbys Beach (har har), and when he noticed them surrounding the car he literally sped off, leading them on a wild and unruly chase which actually reached the blistering speed of 20kph (that is just over 12mph). It lasted for ten minutes, probably more down to the speed they were going rather than anything else.

Eventually they shut him down, and grappled with him to remove him from the car using batons (har har) and spray (har har once more). It was then that they realised he had a pasta jar around his member, and that he was pleasuring himself. According to one source he continued to do this inbetween fighting against the officers in what could only be described as *wrestle wrestle* *fap* *wrestle wrestle*.

As if all this wasn’t weird enough, when the cops searched his car they found some porn, a ‘home-made sex aid’, some women’s stocking and a dog. A Jack Russell terrier to be precise. Yes, I can’t visualise that scenario either. I have no idea what combination of events leads you to do what he did with what he had at his disposal. It boggles the mind.

Ultimately he was fined nearly £300.

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