Thieves are everywhere. They’re in your town, your neighbourhood, your house. Yes, behind you, kick him in the soft bits! Now he’s dealt with – hope you checked for your car keys – I shall entertain you (hopefully) with some stories of stupid and just weird robberies in recent memory…

A restaurant in California had a wall of bank notes signed with messages by its regulars, you know, the community kind of thing that some places have. So what did some guy decide to do? Steal it of course! Albeit it was worth around £8,000 just by the value of the money stuck to it, but still you have to wonder how stupid someone can be. It isn’t like that money is gonna be hard to trace now, is it? Well, rather than even give the police the vaguest bit of work to do, he actually used some of the money to pay a court fine he had received. Might as well have walked into a police station shouting ‘I DID IT! ME, YEAH!’.

Alternatively, inside jobs are one way to get access to large amounts of cash without being armed to the teeth like something out of Heat or the Joker in The Dark Knight – but only if you do it right. This gang definitely did it wrong. The robbers in Malaysia managed to hijack an armoured van with around £1 million inside, and drove off with it – with a small car in convoy. When the van was located some time later, it was ditched but still had most of the money inside it. It turns out the robbers forgot to think about how big a large amount of money really is! They could have had to lot, but because they had too small a vehicle, they cocked up, finestyle. Ah well, maybe they were being eco-concious in going for the small family hatchback instead of the big 4×4 SUV…

Now, those are all well and good for pointing out the idiocy of some robbers, but what about the ones who have a good idea and run with it? Well, how about a man who managed to do a bank job in the US, aided by the group of people outside wearing exactly what he was wearing to do the job. He had (quite ingeniously) placed an ad on the internet flea market that is Craigslist – asking for people to show up for some contractor work. He offered them $28.50 an hour and set a strict dress code – blue long-sleeved top, hi-vis jacket, goggles and breathing mask – and told them to meet him outside the bank. While they were outside said bank, he was inside doing his dirty work, before escaping. Some people doubt what use it was doing all this, but I ask them one thing: has he been caught yet? No, no he hasn’t.

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