Everyone has picked up a few Promotional Gifts over the years – stuff like pens, keychains, coasters and mugs are the usual fare. Then again, not all people could be classed as ‘usual’. These people work in marketing and come up with some of the most batshit-crazy ideas that you could think of.

Pepsi Snow Globe… thing

This is supposed to be baseball player Ryan Howard, dressed in a Santa costume, clutching hold of the world’s smallest baseball bat, in a snow globe. Which happens to have a big Pepsi logo plastered on it. I don’t get it whatsoever. If I received this I would probably go through the five stages: denial that I had picked it up in the first place, anger at its complete uselessness, bargaining with someone to get rid of it for something better in return, depression when no-one does want to take it off my hands and finally acceptance. Actually, scrap that. I’d never accept it.

Microsoft Frontpage (any version)

OK, this would just make my blood boil. If I wanted to use a program which left me with less control over my website than if I had just let loose a dozen chimps in the server room then Frontpage would be great, but as I am quite sane and don’t wish my brain to commit suicide, it isn’t. Ever. Under any circumstances. Hell, a clay tablet with a stick would be more useful. If someone gave this to me, I would treat it as if they had given me herpes.

Fruit cases

How many times have you sat there thinking “my god, I think I need a protective casing for my fruit!”. Well, worry no more, because some marketing type will gladly foist all the fruit-related jacketry you could ever wish for. Take this for example – it looks like a football, but its actually an apple inside! Wonderful! What better way to protect an apple from bruising than to wrap it up to look like something which has no other purpose but to be kicked around by a group of people. Its thinking like this which will eventually herald the invention of the chocolate fireguard, I’m sure.

Apple t-shirts

Now, Apple have a reputation of style, design and just generally being cool – note all the posing ‘creatives’ in coffee shops on their MacBooks, listening to their iPods whilst flicking through the menus on their iPhones. Well, there was a time when they were geeky and crap, and this time was called the 1990s. Earlier than that though, Apple had its own merchandising going on, and no doubt if you showed up to one of their events you would probably get something like one of these t-shirts as a promo gift. Lets just hope you don’t catch whatever it is this ‘family’ has been infected with. The kids in particular look like they’re high as a kite.

That’s it for now, but feel free to send in any other weird promo gifts you find on the big wide webbernets.

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