If, like so many people, you are being affected by the ‘terminal state of the world economy’ then you may think all hope is lost. You may well think it is time to pack the kids, get a Volkswagen Camper van and sell up to begin a life on the road, fending for yourselves and fighting off all ‘outsiders’ like Mad Max, before the debt collection agencies come for you. Then again, you might just resign yourself to quiet mental torture and wait for the oncoming end of the world which is surely on its way. Either way, here are the And Now For Something top tips on how to beat it…

  1. Get rid of your car
    That car you own could be turned into readies so very easily, also saving you money on expenses like fuel. Did you know it costs a fraction of the money to run a horse as it does to run a car, and they were good enough for your ancestors weren’t they!
    Don’t have a stable? Well, you now have an empty garage, and the kids can be put to good use to muck our your impromptu stable each day.
  2. Get rid of your PC and other entertainment gear
    It is well known that cars depreciate in value rather quickly, so while you’re in the process of turning expensive goods into pennies, why not get rid of that expensive laptop and widescreen TV you bought on store credit last year. You’ll still be paying it off at an extortionate rate of interest for the next 10 years, sure, but who cares? That laptop could fetch up to a whole quarter of its original value a year ago… Think about it!
  3. Sell your children
    They are an expensive commodity these days and cause no end of hassle. Better off to just sell them.
  4. Sell your house
    There are any number of alternatives to living in a house. On a recent holiday, during a boat ride we went along a coastline with a series of cliffs with caves in them – apparently people still live in them to this day. Hippies, apparently. Be a trend-setting and bring back cave living from obscurity – soon all your friends will be envious of your free air conditioning and awesome view.
  5. Grow your own food
    It can’t be that hard to grow a pizza, right? If a farmer from Suffolk can do it then there’s hope for us all.
  6. Diversify
    Start your own debt collection agency, there has never been a better time!
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