We all know women are emotional cripples, why else would they on average earn less than men? Here are some of their stupid mannerisms for your enjoyment…

1. Learn to work the toilet seat instead of moaning that is has been “left up”

2. We do not think about you all day.

3. Everything you wear “looks fine” and the red or the blue garment are of equal stature.

4. Crying is blackmail

5. Ask for what you want. Hints do not work.

6. If you want chips with your dinner, order chips, don’t “pinch a few” of ours when the meal turns up.

7. We never remember dates unless it relates to football fixtures, always remind us about birthdays and anniversaries.

8. “Yes” and “No” will answer any question, you don’t need our opinion.

9. A headache is not an acceptable excuse

10. The “L” word is void during love making and should not be taken as an indication of underlying feeling.

11. Looking at other girls means we are relaxed about our relationship.

12. Don’t ask us questions you already know the answer to.

13. It is your duty to stay a certain weight, getting fat encourages disloyalty

14. Pretending you know the offside rule in front of friends in a sacking offence.

15. Low fat chocolate products are not acceptable when dieting. Only rice cakes.

16. Commenting on your friends bodily parts should be seen as taking an interest, not as a threat.

17. Never purchase a drill or other DIY related equipment without prior consultation.

18. Your jeans don’t make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat

19. Don’t ask us what time we got in last night if you already know.

20. Don’t ask “how much have you had to drink” when we are passed the ability to accurately recall the amount.

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